Being someone who hasn’t had sex in a while, the idea of having a real live penis in my bed and not doing anything with it is nothing short of incomprehensible. In fact, being an independent sort of person, it’s fair to say that the occasions when penises are in my bed are surprisingly infrequent – on a reoccurring, regular basis at least.
It’s because of this that I sometimes struggle to understand those who are in such a situation and don’t utilise it.
Dick is such fun.
That as it is, and being in my late thirties, I am increasingly aware of couples in long-term relationships who don’t have regular sex. And, by irregular, I don’t mean once a week, I mean every couple of months, once a year or the night their last child was conceived. (Yes, really.)
Now, it could be said that sex is a little over-hyped, and that, despite Hollywood telling us we’re abnormal if we’re not giving head before breakfast and bending over after tea, actually most people, men and women alike, often can’t be bother, are genuinely too tired or just not in the mood.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, in moderation.
However, resigning yourself to a sexless relationship rarely leads to any good.
Recently, for example, I was talking to a friend who said he was getting divorced because his wife had caught him cheating.
She couldn’t understand why he’d done it.
Except the deeper story goes that they hadn’t had sex for just short of 2 years – tired after kids, after work, after everything.
Still fair enough.
But the problem is, regardless of general levels of fatigue, there is a big difference between a friendship and a relationship – and that difference is sex.
Without it you’re in a friendship and that’s nice, but not sexy.
What is sexy is having sex, even if it means having it elsewhere.
And therein lies your two minute lesson in how to stop your boyfriend cheating.