Barking Mad.

katydog lovers, men, mental health10 Comments

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Yesterday I found myself the not so proud owner of a hangover. A real humdinger of a bastard splitting headache and a craving for shite food that would make Ronald MacDonald look like Rosemary Conley. I met up with a friend on Saturday night and one drink led to 2, led to 7. I would like to say I went out with the intention of staying sober and enjoying good conversation in a civilised way but that would be a lie, I cracked open the Sauvignon at 5.30 and planned to pour as much cheap wine down my neck in 4 hours as humanly possible. 
I have learnt from the occasional (ahem) past experience that the best way to deal with the self inflicted ailments of which I speak is to stock up on a food which is carb heavy and health free and to bed down with a good pile of Sunday papers on the sofa. You see, I have learnt something from my mistakes. 
Bacon sandwich consumed, pillows plumed. I started to read the Sundays.
Now perhaps I am focusing on the negative and correct me if I’m wrong but is it fairly safe to say that at the moment we find ourselves amidst wars, famine, national economic crisis, the highest unemployment rates since God created man and a coalition government that’s draining every fibre out of the country’s backbone. I think it just about sum’s it up to say, as a country, nay, as a globe we are up a pretty shitty creek without so much as a toothpick, let alone a paddle. One thing is clear; there is PLENTY for papers to write about. 
Good, we are all agreed. 
Maybe it was the hangover, or slight intoxication that was still circulating the mind but given the above observations would I then be the only person who finds it slightly bizarre that the front cover story of a significant number of the national papers was about … a dog. A dancing frigging dog. 
Now anyone that has been reading my blog for a while will understand my dog phobia by now.  My dog phobia is not directed towards dogs themselves, you understand, but more so towards people (read – men) that treat their four legged friends like humans. I believe all dating sites should be cleansed of any man that mentions an animal on his profile. This also applies to photos with pooches and if that sounds extreme, trust me, some of these freaks take their mutt loving to almost sexual levels. Buddy, I don’t care that your Red Setter ‘get’s you out and about for long walks followed by a nice glass of red in a country pub’ all I can visualise is him mounting you in your sleep. I have a sick mind, so shoot me. 
So given this personal bugbear you can imagine my shock to learn that not only had educated, real live people phoned in to vote for this pitiful boring pile of performing  monkey shit but that it had actually made our front pages. People want to read about a dog that jumps for biscuits. Words fail me. 
To add insult to this injury I then logged on to twitter to escape this canine hell I had found myself in the middle of only to find that there, too,  people were continuing to embrace the ‘hilarity’ the ‘novelty’ of the story. My heart was heavy, my faith in human intelligence rapidly waining. 
A cynical old bitch? Maybe. A miserable hungover excuse of a woman? Perhaps. A middle aged boozer with issues with any man that can show emotional attachment to something  that isn’t going to cook for him, flatter him or fuck him? Most definitely.
Just please God tell me you didn’t vote. 

katyBarking Mad.

10 Comments on “Barking Mad.”

  1. Anonymous

    Aww… I love a man with a dog.. pass them on.. at least they’re showing some kind of commitment to something albeit not me but it’s a step in the right direction :)

  2. The Eye

    Katy, I must confess to having the same reaction to those gurls wot simply luv catz…. Those girls are, from my experience that is, too strung out on el Gatto to be truly connected to to their kitty… Which is obviously the the object of any dudes attention… if you know what I mean? ; )

    1. Katy

      Tbh, any animal infatuates freak me out a bit. I had a boyfriend who used to let his dog lick his mouth, too gross for words.

  3. Sarah

    Was it only 7…? My headache would suggest at least 10 ;-)

    Anyway, this dog. What a pile of nonsense but a very safe choice for the judges of the programme. Totally inoffensive to anyone, got a little bit of the aww factor (in my book the awww SO FUCKING WHAT? factor) and there was footage from when the human was a child opening a box and receiving the dog. So it all makes good telly. And it’s not like the producers are ever going to be embarrassed by a ‘My child prostitution drugs hell’ expose from a canine is it? Although I bet there are some humping of pillow secrets the dog would rather not have published…..

    I’m not anti dogs at all but I totally see your point about people who are obsessed with them. Someone v close to me, in fact my father, drives me up the wall if he is ever out of the house for longer than an hour. I can see him twitching when he and my mother come to lunch at mine (after 57 minutes actually) because…well, he just has to go home soon BECAUSE Of THE DOG. Or he can’t stay for coffee BECAUSE OF THE DOG. And he certainly can’t help me to do all the things that dads are supposed to do (shelving / mowing / repointing of the entire fascia soffit board….) In fact he has used that excuse so many times that now I just don’t invite him over for lunch any more. Simples.

    x

  4. Max from Cambridge

    Do you think that men loving dogs is their reason for loving sex doggy style?
    Especially if I am anything to go by as I howl like a scrapyard dog at the end!!

  5. Anonymous

    Balderdash… . will agree somewhat that the general populaces obsession with the never-ending pap that masquerades as talent is somewhat barking… but the stated reasons of impending doom in the world are the exact reasons that the mutt is a nice newsworthy side, nothing more… would have thought that you as an avid fan of the tripe pushed on us by Cowell and his smug chops, was more inclined to be lead astray in that regards … so perhaps it’s a pussy thing … plus boy could that mutt dance ( and I’m sure it was noted but not just bitches that was somewhat of a better mover than most men no less ;)

    Anonymous of Battersea (not dogs home)

    1. Katy

      Yes, but being nice about a dancing dog doesn’t make nearly as fun a blog post to write.

      ps. don’t you be mean about my Simon ; )

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