I’m always keen to delve deep into the minds of men – and sadly, it’s not a super power I possess, it’s then with great pleasure I’d like to welcome Jermaine Trotman, founder of the matchmaking app LoveHunch – the app dedicated to finding people who appreciate the real you, and not just your appearance, to the blog to give us a bit of an insight into what men think at the start of a relationship …
It’s well known that when a guy meets a girl, the majority of the time the onus will be on him to entertain and gain the attention of the girl. There is a pressure to say the right things, have the right body language and simply give off the right vibe.
Once he has ‘won over’ the girl, it’s thought to be her turn to do all the worrying. Well yes, she knows she like him at this point, and it’s at this point worries start to creep in about his intentions. However, even at this stage, you are not alone girls.
Here are the five common worries that guys have at the early stage of a relationship.
Being too giddy
He may not show it, but he is excited. If he were not excited at this stage, he wouldn’t have got into the relationship in the first place. He is looking forward to what is to come as he is getting to find out things about you that he had no idea about.
There are many new things to learn about you, and new is often exciting.
He is looking forward to getting to know you, very much so. But he doesn’t want to show you how much. Why? He’s probably worried it might scare you off. It may have happened to him before where he appeared to keen, and the other person was quickly turned-off, leaving him to start the dating process all over again with somebody else.
To prevent this from happening, he may withhold SOME of his excitement, but how much is held back depends on the guy you are dealing with. Proving that it is not only women who try to prevent themselves from getting hurt!
What does she see in me?
You are getting more comfortable around each other, and you really are enjoying each other’s company. But then the inner voice starts to ask him questions. One of the common questions is, “Why is she into me?” This is a question that can throw him right off, as over focus on the answer of this question results in loss of natural behaviour, and reduced focus on just having a good time with you.
It may seem like a question that only those who are unsure of themselves will ask, however this will effect many different types of men. Some will be wondering how you find them interesting, as they don’t think they are good enough!
Once it is established that he does really like you, thoughts are likely to turn to what his family and friends will make of you. Although this may not be a deciding factor for many men, it is a factor nonetheless.
Some guys are very headstrong, and will do exactly what they wish, but even these guys are aware that their life will be far more peaceful and happy if their close ones approve and get along with his new love interest. His family have been there for him, and he’s friends with people as they have got along for a long period of time, so he will respect these people’s opinions.
You may be very nervous when you get to meet his friends and family, as it can be a daunting prospect having people quietly judge you. But it is likely your guy is just as nervous of the outcome as you.
Is this someone I could build a life with?
OK, you’ve passed the friend and family test, and now he is considering if this relationship is for the long-term. His friends like you, his family likes you, and he likes you. He probably won’t try to fast forward the relationship at this early stage, but he is aware this may lead to a bit more than some short-lived fun.
Some guys will be fine with this, whilst other guys may get freaked out, as hand-in-hand with a long-term relationship is responsibility and commitment. If your guy is not used to/ready to show these things, this could be unnerving.
However, just because this worries him, it doesn’t mean he won’t overcome it and make a great boyfriend in the long-term. He just needs to relax, focus on both of you making each other happy and the rest will come.
When to make it publicly official
When to publicly declare you are in a relationship to colleagues, family (and of course as we are in 2017), social media, is a common consideration. Although the worry is common, the result is very varied. Some guys like to publicly announce their new status very early to the world, whilst others prefer to wait much longer before in particular, making social media aware.
A lot of his concern will come from anticipation that your wants for when you want to go public are very different from his. In the early stages of a relationship, everything is blissful, but the topic of “when to make things public”, could potentially be the first sign of a very different approach to relationships between the two of you. He knows this, which may lead him to tread the subject carefully.
It may seem like the guy who is eager to tell everyone about your new relationship is the one who will treat you right in the long-term. But these things are not that black and white. Although you can use it as an indication, fundamentally his approach to announcing the relationship is a reflection of how cautious a guy is when it comes to both relationships and life in general.
In summary, although the concerns of guys at the start of a relationship are very common, how a guy reacts to these worries is very different. If he shows signs of worry at these early stages, encourage him to concentrate on the good times you are having now. Let the happy relationships commence!
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