On Your Knees.

katyleap year, proposals., weddings8 Comments

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It’s a leap year this year which apparently means, in a week or so, us girls are allowed to get down on one knee and propose to the boys. Grab the proverbial bull by the horns and get that ring on our finger.

According to confetti.com, (that wedding site that sells all things to do with weddings; do the maths) –
On the last day in February in a leap year, the ‘normal’ order of proposals is reversed and women can pop the question to men. But why wait? If the time is right but he doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of getting down on one knee, then perhaps you should ask for his hand in marriage, regardless of the date!
So the clue is kind of in the introduction. ‘If he’s not showing any signs of getting down on one knee … why don’t you ask for his hand in marriage?’ Yep that makes sense. How about, ‘If he’s not showing any signs of getting down on one knee … he’s probably waiting for the right time to tell you he’s sleeping with your sister’.
Girls, call me old fashioned or unmarried and therefore in totally the wrong position to be talking about anything to do with wedded matrimony but, really? From my experience, if a guy wants to go out with you he asks you out, if he wants to speak to you he calls and if he wants to spend the rest of his life under the same roof as you then he does the proposing. Unless, of course, he is a dopey fucker, thrice married before, or totally preoccupied with his job/golf/your sister (delete where appropriate) in which case you’d probably be best running for the hills anyway.
What about the ring? I hear you ask …
Fear not, the site that sells 38 varieties of confetti has advice on that front too.
If he normally wears rings, then it would probably be an appropriate gesture. Otherwise, you might like to buy him a watch.
Or you could buy yourself a ring and then add that to the ‘romantic’ story you tell your grandchildren. You could also add that you had to get extra night work as an office cleaner to pay for it, while your then boyfriend was busy not proposing to you and not buying you a ring.
And the big answer?
Well fortunately the site that specialises in products for hen nights, stag nights and engagement parties has thought about that too, phew!
Don’t get despondent if he doesn’t yell ‘Yes!’ straight away. There are a number of reasons that he might be slow to give you the answer you want; he might be plain surprised or he might not comprehend that you’re being serious! If he doesn’t seem as ecstatic as you might be in the same circumstances, bear in mind that he’s probably never spent any time fondly imagining how he might react if someone asked him to marry them.
Damn right he hasn’t because the last thing he thought he’d end up with was a raving mad woman with ‘desperate to be married’ tattooed on her forehead, kneeling on the floor in the middle of Nando’s with a Swatch Watch in her hand and half of North London cracking up around him!
Of course men don’t fondly imagine marriage proposals, you crazy, nut job wedding site! They fondly imagine blowjobs, lesbian orgies and sisters in hold ups and nippleless bras!
What advice next, I wonder, for these poor defenseless unmarried women? ‘Poke your eye out with a fork, it’s really fun!’ Seriously, this is not good advice for women. I understand they have little plastic party poppers and pink devil flashing devil horns to sell but really, these are vulnerable creatures, awake at night in fear of eternal state of singledom and it is wrong to take advantage.
No, my advice is simple; there is only one course of action to be taken in this situation. (I am presuming that by this point hints have been dropped and ideas planted.) If he hasn’t taken the bait, girlfriend, he ain’t the marrying type. Either work on those insecurity issues and get your head around the idea of calling a man you’ve been in a relationship with for 8 years your boyfriend and embrace the fact you ‘don’t need a piece of paper to consummate our marriage’ AKA that old chestnut or move on to someone who is far more taken with the idea of being tied to one person for the rest of their waking lives.
And if there’s still no telling you, then do yourself a favour and make it a Rolex, you never know your luck, he might just say yes….
katyOn Your Knees.

8 Comments on “On Your Knees.”

  1. Dan

    Ha ha, Swatch, I remember those! There is far too much pressure surrounding marriage, especially the proposal, I like hearing a bit of negative spin.. makes me laugh!

    1. Katy

      I agree, anyone would think we were living in 1880 the way people are so obsessed with getting hitched! let’s be free, people, much more fun! …

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