3 weeks ago I gave up smoking. I love a fag but felt that at the ripe old age of 34 and with a full set of expensive veneers in my mouth, I should bid farewell to a trusted and loyal friend and start following government guidelines. Needless to say it’s been difficult, on a bad day I would have willingly sold my liver (for all the good it would be) for a quick toke on a Marlboro light. Despite this though I have managed it. I am a non-smoker whoop- de- do.
My incentive of packing in the smokes was, like most, the promise of good skin, glossy hair and more money, oh and a heartbeat. I even fashioned myself a ‘money I would have spent on fags’ kitty box for that 20 quid a week that would have been wasted. There’s about 3.25 in there now, more likely to get me a cheeseburger than a minibreak at the end of the year. Who really does that? Put aside the money they would have spent to go to a B&B in Weston-super-Mare, because lets face it with the price of a holiday these day, you’d have to be on 50 a day to go anywhere decent. Rather than saving money in fact, I have found my weekly out-goings near triple of late, anyone seen the price of a good bottle of Sauvignon Blanc these days, and a girls got to have some sort of crutch, if you think I’m swapping my lovely cigs for a piece of over priced chewing gum you can whistle.
As for feeling fresh as a daisy, I’ve got more blackheads than a teenager boy in a bike shed and would rival Les Dawson for phlegm yakking (gross I know but alas the harsh reality) I am assured this is the smoking induced poison being expelled from my person and will take a few weeks to subside, call me old fashioned but I would rather the insides of my tarry lungs where lift hidden, I’m quite sure the rest of the office could do with out the audio/visual ‘this is the cancer you could have won’ display at 9.15 on a Monday morning. I am expecting my glowing youthfulness to reappear any moment now or Andrew Lansley will be getting a strong letter from a spotty, phlegmy and significantly poorer non-smoker.
We all know the benefits of giving up, and of course I would rather be a non-smoker blah blah, but, I’m going to say it; I think smoking is sexy, who could deny that the chuffing Queen, Kate Moss, looked totally hot walking down the catwalk at the Louis Vuitton show in march with a fag in her hand, attitude at it’s best. I like the smell the taste the devil may care attitude of a smoker. An ex-boyfriend of mine used to wake up 3 times in the night for a half asleep puff, he smelt of strong aftershave and Marlboro reds, he didn’t care about his skin, his health or other peoples personal space, he was a no excuses 100% bonified smoker and it was bloody horny. There is a big difference between fat Lorraine in HR standing outside on the Camden Road in the pouring rain desperately chuffing away to some stunner in a film noir lighting up after sex with a fabulous man. But give or take the odd chavy chainer I can stand a smoker. That dying (I know, I know) breed of people who say, keep you’re weekend in Weston, screw the guidelines and the health warnings, put as many pictures on your packets as you want I’m going to spark up with my black coffee in the morning take a long hard drag, feel the smoke in my lungs, inhale, hold it and breathe……….. Oh well, I smell of toothpaste and have £3.25 in a ceramic pig. Happy days.