As a general rule, I prefer not to write about members of TOWIE – I take great pride in never having watched a full episode of the wretched show and my heart bleeds every time I see a cast member thrust into the public domain by the media.
Why do we care about this people?? STOP MAKING THEM FAMOUS.
However, I am not here to vent my fury, I am here to offer some advice to Lauren Goodger.
Now, make no mistake, I fully understand that being a woman of little or no talent, she is calculating enough to realise she needs to create herself a USP in order to stay in the headlines. Thus far it has mostly been the ever fluctuating size of her arse that has kept the public amused.
However, more recently, with the ‘will she eat, won’t she eat’ story running a bit thin, she’s focusing her attention on banging on about her ex and his new girlfriend.
Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan are not a couple I am particularly keen on either – with a wedding that read more like a list of freebies and product endorsements and looked like a shoot from the latest River Island catalogue, I find them increasingly abhorrent. However, that as it maybe, they are married and should be left alone. Not be tweeted, written about and stalked on their honeymoon by his ex-girlfriend, who either has serious issues about moving on or is so desperate for media attention she is prepared to re-model her public persona as a modern version of Glenn Close just to get the column inches.
Lauren, dear love, leave your ex the fuck alone.
There is no easier way of putting it, stalking your ex once he has moved on is utterly tragic.
Yeah, I get it, you were together for 10 years, and he broke your heart. Well, here’s news, girlfriend – you’re not the first girl to have been ditched and you won’t be the last. You can either publicly humiliate yourself or suck it up and get on with your life.
That you chose the same destination for your holiday as they chose for their honeymoon is quite beyond comprehension – there is no such thing as a coincidence when it comes to bumping into your ex, and even if Dubai is the chavtastic destination de jour, you being there, is quite possibly the most class-less thing I have ever come across.
I mean, eurgg, it’s mortifying – and trust me, that’s coming from someone who loves a bit of cyber-stalking and a mid-night drive-by, hell, I’m all over a bit of harmless car-keying should the mood take me, but really, surely one has to draw the line somewhere!?
I’m not sure what is more depressing about this story, that a woman would so readily, and publicly, humiliate herself on a personal level or that ‘celebrities’ today are so desperate for the limelight, to drag out their 15 minutes a bit longer, that they’ll whore themselves out to the media and create stories that will keep them famous, at any price.
To coin a popular phrase everything she is doing, from tweeting her soul to the world, whoring herself to the media, the relentless stream of selfies, the ex-stalking, holidaying in Dubai, (cringe) makes her a prime example of one thing – a Basic Bitch.
No worse an insult, indeed – let us learn from her mistakes.