I think one-night stands are highly under-rated; there is something deliciously frivolous and fun about sharing a night of passion with a man you barely know. So long as they leave before dawn and you don’t have to make the awful ‘so then? …’ chit chat then everyone’s a winner. We are lead to believe that men don’t stick around with girls who give it up too easily, I think this says more about the man than it does the women, so you’ll scrub someone out because they seize the day and have a bit passion, it’s like discounting someone for liking The Corrs or driving an Alfa Romeo, offenses far more heinous but surely not worthy of a total No. Old wive’s say that if you sleep with a man on the first night it leads them to wonder whom else have you done it with. I say nonsense; they’re just scared of a woman who knows what she wants.
For market research purposes I tested this theory out with a man I was dating about 8 months ago. Aware of the fact I was in my mid 30’s and my shag them on the first night theory hadn’t quite gone to plan rather than running into bed with him within 48 hours I held out and made him wait 2 months. Aha I was to fool him you see, have him believe I was a ‘good girl’, (my cunning plan was slightly foiled by telling him at what age I’d lost my virginity and how good my blow jobs were after too many pinot grigios, but hey I was new to this modesty game) I made him wait, and wait… and wait. We got to know each other, we walked along the Thames, we went to the cinema, we ate sushi, we walked the dog, we even skated. (If you want to go off a man in 24 hours by the way get them down to Somerset house around Christmas time – it works a treat) And then after 2 months we had sex and, drum roll, it was one of the worst shags I’ve ever had.
We just didn’t ‘fit’ together and despite getting on like a house on fire outside of the bedroom, we just weren’t compatible in the sack. What a let down and what a waste of 2 months. My theory is this – had we got pissed and fallen into bed on the first night we would have know and we could have moved on, or better still without the pressure and the build up we would have been a great deal more relaxed and it might have taken him longer than 3 thrusts to climax, admittedly his choice of Carly Simon as our lurve making music didn’t help, but he was in mid 50’s so that’s mildly excusable.
We did try, (the guy owned all the hospitality rights for Formula 1, god knows I tried) but the moment had passed, sex was just bad. We split up about 3 weeks after that first night and I spent the following weekend in bed with a fun fantastic stranger who I never saw again. Oh the joy.
I am not suggesting we all start giving head to the local mini cab driver after a curry on a Tuesday night, but I do think the English could gain a great deal from judging less and relaxing more. Charlotte will cook you a great Sunday roast and see that your shirt is ironed for work every morning, but you want a amazing night you’ll never forget and more fun than you’ve had in 15 years, then Samantha’s you’re girl.
A woman who drags you down an alley for a passionate embrace after too many martinis before she’s met your mother, or gives you the ride of your life before she knows your middle name shouldn’t be labelled a slag or written off as a partner, she should be celebrated as a sexy, confident woman who knows what she wants and knows exactly what areas to rub to get it.
Marry a woman who sleeps with you on the first night?…. you should be so lucky.