Last night I went on a date with a man. He was a decent enough fellow, and despite chain smoking an e-cigarette throughout the entire dinner and getting a bit pissed off with me because I wouldn’t have sexual intercourse two hours after meeting him it was safe to say it was quite a success. I’m not sure we will be meeting again but for what it was, a nice dinner in Knightsbridge on a Sunday night, it was satisfactory.
Over dinner we discussed various topics, chit chat if you will. We talked about Scotland, Syria, not having sex with ex-wives for the last two years of marriage (his) and a preference for red wine in winter (mine). We talked briefly too about recent relationships and dates. You’ll have been given advice in the past by other people about not discussing ex’s on a date, I ask you to ignore this totally. It goes without saying that to restrict a conversation to just your ex isn’t advisable however the mention of previous relationships, to me, seems perfectly reasonable. Not only do ex-partners go towards shaping you to the person you are today, but they also tell you a lot about the person you are currently sharing a bottle of Shiraz with.
My date told me about a recent date he had been on with a girl he had met on Match.com. Being a dating and relationship writer I enjoy hearing other peoples stories and tend to enjoy the bad ones more than the good. We are British after all.
So the date before me hadn’t gone terribly well apparently, largely down to an epic first date fail I hear time and time again.
The dishonest profile photo.
“Yes, she was nice enough but she turned up and was much bigger than her profile picture, I think it was about 10 years old too.”
What the fuck is wrong with people? I’m going to simplify it. Unless you get your shits and kicks from going online, pretending to be a 17 year old cheer leader from Los Angeles and wasting your time messaging hundreds of people you have no intention of meeting than my guess is that you are hoping to meet someone you might end up going on a date with – and if that’s the case, unless your date is partially sighted and you’re meeting down a country lane at 3 o’clock in the morning, he’s going to see you in person. He’s also going to see that you are four sizes bigger than your picture and about 10 years older.
Things your date will not think -
She looks like her photo.
She doesn’t look like her photo but has a great personality.
Things your date will think -
This woman is nuts and has got me here under false pretences, I don’t care if she’s got a great personality she’s a fucking liar and I wonder if she’s seen me yet so I can leave the restaurant without her realising I turned up in the first place.
Because here’s the thing – and this goes for men too, when you post a picture online that isn’t honest you are deceiving the other person and this is a shitty start to a relationship (of which you are unlikely to get) Of course we all look better when we were 23 but you’re not 23 anymore or 8 stone, so not only are you ‘tricking’ a person into meeting you but you are subconsciously telling that person that you have no self-esteem and don’t value yourself as a person you are now. No wonder they want to run a mile.
I’ve heard the other side of the story too, from those doing the deceiving … “Oh but I thought if he met me he’d see through the fact that I’m a size 22 now … he’s wrong to have judged me on my size and if he’d hung around for a bit he’d have seen how fun/lovely/sexy I was.”
Absolutely not. This is nothing to do with your date ‘judging’ you, it is to do with you being deceitful and him being deceived. I love a fat man myself, and can think of nothing more fabulous than going on a date with, say, Robbie Coltrane but would I be happy turning up on a date with Robbie Coltrane if his photo was of David Gandy? No, I would not! Because I’d have felt tricked and wonder what else my date was capable of lying about.
Give people credit enough to be able to make their mind up about what the deem as attractive or not and stop wasting people’s time. Harsh? Maybe, but trust me on this one, nothing *ever* good comes from a dishonest profile picture and it only serves to undermine yourself, piss off your date, and give the rest of us a bad name.
Give yourself half a chance by being honest with your profile pictures. You might get only 10% of the interest you were getting before, but at least the people who do show interest are interested in you and not a skinny 23 year-old on a beach in Kavos … either that or get some studio shots done. No actually – don’t do that. Ever.