A Christmas Carol (The Single Girl’s Version)

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Despite Christmas being well and truly behind us, the tinsel down and the mince pies eaten – when this was sent to me by Jennifer Smith, I couldn’t help but share it. A Witty take on a traditional poem that single girls everywhere can relate to!

Here’s the story behind it …

 I’m turning 30 next year and am single.  I’ve been on a lot of dates, through Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, naturally meeting dudes in a bar (as rare as that is these days), and here I am, still single and increasingly less motivated to mingle.

Basically, right now I am at a stage where I am totally fed up with men not having the guts to reply when they are not interested, and instead choosing to ‘ghost’ rather than actually say how they feel. The poem I´ve written is a take on Dickens, A Christmas Carol (the ‘ghosts’ inspired me!) but having Scrooge as a single girl in our times, written for the many, many single girls who have been in my position. I think that this is a very common problem in our flaky, dating-app obsessed generation, and that us single girls need to unite in solidarity and know that we are not alone in this ghosting epidemic.

I for one couldn’t agree more! So here it is … and a happy belated Christmas to you all!

 

A Christmas Carol (The Single Girl’s Version)

It was a drizzly Christmas Eve,
Alone Georgina sat,
She saw her tum- “I can´t believe
That, once more, I am fat!

“I can´t go to my Christmas do
Looking just like a whale!
Oh, why did I buy something new?
Maybe I should just bail.”

“But Simon will be there tonight,
This is the perfect chance,
Maybe if I time it just right
Tonight we´ll finally dance.”

Just then, Georgina heard a sound
Inside the wardrobe door,
The door opened, Georgina turned
Can you guess what she saw?

“Oh my God! John! Why are you here?”
“I’m the ghost from months past.”
“What happened? I waited to hear.
It all ended so fast!”

He said, “That´s just the way it goes-
An easy rejection.
That’s the way it’s done, I suppose-
It works to perfection.”

Georgina met John on Bumble
First date was in a bar,
This guy seemed more than a fumble,
She knew they would go far.

For two months, they spoke every day
Met at least once a week,
Then just like that, John just went away,
Georgina didn’t freak.

Maybe he’s been busy at work?
Maybe he’s lost his phone?
There’s no way he’s simply a jerk,
Surely I would have known?
“I was upset,” Georgina said,
“And then it became clear,
You only wanted me in bed,
So just get out of here!”

And like that, John just disappeared,
Georgina closed the door,
Then suddenly, as she had feared,
She heard a knock once more.

But now, Georgina wasn’t scared,
She’d seen the greatest curse,
Yet somehow, she was not prepared
To see a ghost far worse.

“Steve!” “The ghost of dating present,
I’m driving you crazy,
You don´t know if I’m unpleasant,
Or just being lazy.”

Georgina said, “Just like a fool
I wait to hear from you,
I’ve tried my best to play it cool,
It is so hard to do.¨

“You hoped that by ignoring me
That I’d just slip away,
But I deserve respect, you see,
That’s not a game I play.”

“Don’t get mad with me,” Steve replied,
“I just texted you less,
If I’d said no, you would have cried
And that’s just too much stress.”

At that point, Georgina’s blood boiled,
She couldn´t help but yell:
“GET OUT!” She wept, her night now spoiled,
She cursed all men to hell.

As Georgina sank to her knees,
She heard one final knock,
Wiping her eyes, she begged “Stop, please-
Who else has come to mock?”

She opened the wardrobe with fear,
Just who would visit next?
When she saw Simon standing there
She was a bit perplexed.

Georgina said, “We didn’t date-
Why are you here tonight?”
He said, “So long you’ve had to wait
To meet your Mr. Right.”

“Many ghosts you’ve had to endure
Throughout your single years,
I´m the ghost of dating future,
I understand your fears.”

“Ghosting somebody at the end:
Something I don’t condone,
There’s a text I’m about to send-
Go check it on your phone.”

Before Georgina could reply,
Simon was not in sight,
Her phone then beeped: “It’s Simon! Hi!
Are you coming tonight?”

Georgina felt her usual doubt,
This would all end in tears,
But tonight, she would cast it out-
For once, ignore her fears.

She flung open her wardrobe door,
Looked at her clothes with pride,
She saw something not seen before-
Chances galore inside.

The green, the pink, the red, the black,
She looked hot in each one,
The shorter dress? The open back?
Now this was too much fun!

Georgina’s favourite was the green,
It made her feel great,
She wrote back, ‘Leaving in fifteen.”
Simon said, “Cannot wait.”

So Simon could become a ghost,
Maybe he was the one,
Whichever way, she’d make the most
Of just having some fun!

To ghosts of love present and past
She slammed the wardrobe door,
She hoped they’d fade away, and fast,
Never to haunt her more.

So, if ghosts from your dating past
One day come to haunt you,
Do not make that sad feeling last,
You know just what to do.

Say to yourself “This is not right,
I’m worth just one last text.
Tell the truth- just bring things to light-
Then move onto the next.”

Put on your best outfit and shoes,
And show off all you got,
Like Georgina, shake off those blues
As you’re too freaking hot!

Men- I know it must be tricky
To say you’ve lost interest,
But ghosting just takes the mickey,
One text lays it to rest.

Georgina had a ball that night,
Looked after number one,
Single girls, don’t give up the fight-
God bless us, everyone.

katyA Christmas Carol (The Single Girl’s Version)

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