katybreak-ups, ex-boyfriends, sex19 Comments


I broke up with a gentleman recently after a brief relationship. It was nice while it lasted but not something I shall mourn for eternity now that it is over. I have to admit the split was not entirely his fault, as it doesn’t take a lot for me to go off a man. One strike and you’re out, buddy. Sadly one attribute I was not blessed with as a child, or indeed an adult, was tolerance and like all self-respecting modern women my rule of thumb is, when the going gets tough I get going. Bugger working at it, there’s a girl’s night out and a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc with my name written all over it.
So much so, in fact, that I have often thought about printing up mini flyers that I keep upon my person and hand out to men I meet with a list of ‘not to do’s’ on it in order to ensure a relationship lasts longer than a week. My most recent ex saw a month out which I thought was blinding considering my track record.
His mistake, however, was trying to tell me what do. Well, more accurately, asking me to consider his feelings. I mean can you imagine!? Consider his feelings! What next I wonder, respect him as a human being? Share things with him in a trusting and adult relationship?! Well, I ran a mile and can you blame me?
To expand further; it all started a couple of weeks ago, when we’d been out for a few light libations on a Sunday afternoon, by a few libations I mean about 3 bottles of wine, but hey it’s summer, nearly. On returning home I grew bored of the usual Sunday night TV and decided that showing said ex a few photo albums from yester year would be more fun. Needless to say, as is often the case after a year-long pub-crawl around the world there were various picture of ex-lovers scattered liberally through the chosen journals. And so the trouble began.
The next day, I was shocked to receive an emailing detailing how inappropriate he found the whole event and that I hadn’t considered his feelings in my uncovering of my past in such a wanton manner. He wanted me to think more.
And so I did. I thought about the situation long and hard, and like all responsible, considerate adults it was then that I decided the only course of action was to tell him where to stick his sensibilities. I’ve always been a firm believer that life is made much easier when options are reduced, I find ‘my way or the highway’ tends to just about cover things.
That being said, I have to admit, the unfortunate episode did throw me a bit and I was left quite aghast to realise that it might not be standard practice in new relationships to give your partner the full rundown of your sexual past on the 5th date.
Why, I wonder, is it so taboo to talk about your ex’s? After all, we’ve all had them. Aren’t they what make us who we are? I think it’s a sad state of affairs, in this day and age, when you cant disclose details about your past to the person you are sharing a bed with. Ok, perhaps best not to bring up your genital wart outbreak c.1997 three cocktails in, but, man alive, so I fucked a few Maori rugby players in New Zealand, get over it, Christ it wasn’t the whole team.
We split up. We split up because I’m not prepared to edit a fraction of my life out to satisfy someone else’s perception of what I should be like. I have ex-boyfriends, deal with it. I’ve slept with men whose name I can’t ever remember, some from such far-flung corners of the earth we had no form of communication bar the language of love (and let me tell you, it’s pretty hard to get a sentence out when you have your mouth full), deal with that too. Oh and once I had sex with a dwarf. Ok, he wasn’t officially a dwarf in the traditional pantomime sense of the word but he was definitely of significant stunted growth, don’t want to hear that either? Well, here’s the science bit, my past is perfect because without it, I wouldn’t be the fabulous, fruitful, well-shagged, I mean, heeled woman I am today.  
Love me, love my history, baby, because there’s certainly plenty of it and it ain’t going anywhere…

19 Comments on “Kisstory.”

  1. Jonathan

    Love me Love My past

    I’d not be able to have a relationship if someone didn’t understand where I had come from!

    And I’d want to know about my partners journey also. It made them the person I want to be with.

  2. Maggie

    I went on a first date recently, got blind drunk and confessed to a recent threesome with two guys 10 my junior. Still reeling at the fact this guy didn’t see me as a keeper. So fifth dare is VERY ladylike in my opinion, good on you.

    1. Maggie

      Haha why thank you. Plenty more where that came from… for the record, the date in question then revealed the dirty details of a 4-some he’d been in, we then proceeded to bitch about some of our exes for a while and then went home to have sex. I can’t help but wonder if a more demure and traditional approach to a first date would provide a better foundation for a long-term romance. Ah well, you win some, you lose some…

    1. Katy

      Haha, next tweet up i’ll give you the low down, actually one of the best shags i’ve had in my life lol (he wasn’t *literally* a dwarf, just VERY short ha)

  3. Lucy Best

    You seem to be having great fun at his expense, so why not tell the whole story:
    You said you loved him on date 3.
    Conveniently forgetting it was your period on date 4 was nice
    Introducing him to your whole family, and then announcing your bladder infection during lunch to the assembled mass on date 5 (whilst he was looking after your daughter and helping your Godson with his homework).
    Going to the theatre with your male fans and then spending an evening showing him photos and getting misty eyed over past loves.
    I could go on, but a real woman knows where to draw the line.
    And what did he do wrong? Ask for a little consideration whilst telling you he thought you were utterly gorgeous? That’s how a real man would act, you need to grow up and realise what you had.
    He regrets what he did, but you know he was right.

    1. Katy

      tut tut my dear, leaving comments on behalf of men on ex-girlfriends blogs, how very unladylike. Thanks for the post though, flattered you took the time ; )

  4. Anonymous

    Lucy is right, you’re a disgrace, I bet you knew nothing about his past? Leave him alone he sounds lovely – with or without your STD!

    1. Katy

      So disgraceful you took the time to read my blog AND leave a comment, muahhh! play your cards right i might even give you a mention in my next post.

  5. Max from Cambridge

    I went on a date with Katy once and, I think, we both thoroughly enjoyed it. However for me I decided that dating Katy would be fraught with danger, shocks, sexual adventures and probably a degree of frustration.
    The trick is in sussing this before you carry on.
    Katy would have found me thunderously boring eventually and dropped me like a hot brick, but I am sure I would have had a lot of fun in the meantime!.
    So guys make a decision early but be prepared to realise, like the Iron Lady, this ones not for turning!!
    As ever, your loving, relieved Max from Cambridge!!

    1. Katy

      Our date was an utter delight and you most certainly were and are not boring!
      However, Iron Lady.. kinda liking that one! ; )

      ps. did you know about the singlestweetup i am arranging on the 27thApril? put it in the diary : )

    2. Max from Cambridge

      I did say you would find me boring EVENTUALLY!!
      singlestweetup in the diary but what is it???

  6. The Ex in question

    As the guy being written about – and for the benefit of my friends and colleagues who, after I shamelessly promoted Katy’s blog when dating her, might still be reading it, I’d like to say she’s absolutely right, I behaved like an idiot and deserve everything I got (swallows pride hard). As Katy said, love her, love her past – and for the record, I did. However, the past is a lonely place to live, through my own stupidity I lost the fabulous Ms Red, so I for one, would like to move on as i’m sure she would. Let’s all leave it there.

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