Thinking of squeezing in a cheeky city break before the end of the year? Look no further, when it comes to dirty weekends, trust me when I say, I’ve done my research. Forget romantic walks holding hands, cranking up the sex vibe is all about letting go and escaping from the routine. And champagne of course, always about champagne.
Does not have to begin with a bed scattered with roses.
Quite the opposite in fact. If you really want to have fun on a weekend away, what could be cheekier than a travel Lodge on the M1 with nothing but your hot lover, the porn channel and a bottle of champagne to keep you company.
Think Alabama and Clarence from True Romance or the UK equivalent of a Vegas motel – dirty, cheap but oh, so sexy.
2. Paris or Watford?
If channeling your inner Pulp Fiction isn’t your thing there is, of course, no harm in upgrading to a weekend away.
Try to be inventive with your choice of city break however, and think outside the box, as delightful as the polished boulevards of Paris are, if you really want a weekend to remember, try somewhere a little more off the wall, like a steamy couple of days in the thermal spas of Budapest, exploring Novgorod, Russia’s oldest city or enjoying some adult fun in the red light district of Amsterdam – the old ones are always the best (suggestions not …)
And make sure it’s a sexy hotel in a sexy city you pick. Skip the beaten track chain hotels (unless it’s a slutty Travel Lodge of course) and try something a little more unusual, like an independent boutique hotel, many of them do packages for couples, which can be a little naff, but hey, a bottle of champagne on arrival never hurt anyone.
4. Log off
Rule number one to a dirty weekend. Log the hell off.
No phones, no laptops, no tablets, no texts, Whatsapp or emails.
In a world over-run by technology, you’d be doing yourself, your partner and your sex life a service by switching off for 48 hours.
And if you can’t survive a weekend in bed without checking your Twitter account – you need to rethink your technique – or your choice of travelling companion.
5. Spa up
Ok, 48 hours with one person in bed might be pushing it, even for the horniest amongst us – no that isn’t permission to update your Facebook status, but it is the green flag to get out and make use of some of the hotel facilities.
Whether it’s a naked sauna together (yes, getting caught makes it more fun) taking advantage of the fully stocked mini bar or, if you’re really feeling adventurous getting out there and seeing some of the city.
Whilst I wouldn’t be cultural enough to suggest that visiting the local modern art museum will increase the sexual tension of the weekend, having a few hours where sex is out of bounds does make getting back to the room all the more fun.
6. Dress up
Ever wondered who the hell actually wears suspender belts apart from Dita Von Teese? Well, wonder no more, people on dirty weekends do.
A weekend away is your chance to fully kit up for your partner and really do to town with sexy lingerie. Hell, why not even through in few sex toy and a pair of handcuffs. Remember, anything goes behind the ‘do not disturb’ sign of a boutique hotel.
When you don’t have your mouth full in bed (ahem … couldn’t resist) make sure you do when you’re out of it. Indulging in everything – not just sex, over the weekend will make it truly memorable. Allow yourself the chocolates, the cocktails, the extra sides and the dessert. Order a club sandwich in bed or a dozen oysters at midnight.
Dirty weekends aren’t about being sensible and reserved they are about excess, both in and out of the bedroom.
8. Outdoor sports
And it’s not just food you should experiment with when you’re away with someone you’re hot for. Pushing the boundaries and doing things you wouldn’t dream of doing at home will ensure you don’t forget your time together.
Sex outside, visiting a strip club or some light BDSM – whatever your ‘fantasy’ now is the time to put it out there, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas right?
9. The Mile High Club
Who could resist rounding the weekend off with the ultimate cheeky lovers tryst in the loos on an aeroplane, the ultimate full stop to a weekend of fun.
Opted for the Travel lodge on the M1? There’s always the Happy Eater – the cubicles are bigger at least, and you can finish if off with a fry-up.
An orgasm, a bottle of champagne and a couple of hash browns – who said romance was dead?
and check out the 10 REASONS YOU NEED TO BOOK A DIRTY WEEKEND NOW HERE!