According to Closer magazine today, there is such a thing as a ‘Barbie selfie’ and it is something which is increasingly popular amongst celebrities.
Selfies themselves are gross. The fact that people see it as normal behaviour to spend their day/holiday/life snapping away at themselves in order that friends (normal people) and fans (not normal people) ‘like’, praise and brown-nose them is depressing and weird.
People massaging the egos of arseholes like Lauren Goodger and Kim Kardashian, reminding them how *amazing* they look is quite beyond my realms of comprehension.
There are three main reasons for this.
a) You’re a complete cunt for taking a selfie in the first place. (see above)
b) You don’t look like Barbie, you look like somebody who’s pumped full of lip fillers and botox. Meaning that, at twenty-one you look ‘good for thirty-five’ and at thirty-five you look like a flesh- coloured lilo.
c) Aspiring to look like a plastic doll, means you are mis-guided, insecure and I dare say, slightly unhinged.
BARBIE IS NOT SEXY.
And there-in lies the real irony. Who really wants to fuck a Barbie doll? For all her exaggerated proportions, big baby-doll eyes, pinched nose and made-for-knob-sucking lips, Barbie dolls aren’t sexy. They are children’s dolls, lifeless, soulless and totally void of sex appeal.
Human versions (by which I mean, women who strive to be ‘perfect’, as opposed to women who look exactly like the iconic piece of plastic) equally so.
Because for all the face tuning, ‘sultry’ stares and pouting lips, perfection is not sexy – man-made or otherwise.
Character makes a face sexy, and you can’t have character without imperfections. A slightly wonky nose, a too-big smile or slightly off-centre teeth, it’s being individual that will have you remembered as a beauty, not replicating society’s one-size-fits-all idea of beauty.
Look at the iconic sex bombs of our time. Kate Moss with her imperfect teeth, Cara Delevingne with ‘those’ eyebrows, Debbie Harry – still beyond hot at *seventy* years old – not perfect yet in a league of their own when it comes to being sexy.
Sure, there’s probably a nip and a tuck amongst them, but nothing that steals them of their character and sex appeal, because they ‘own’ it. Shunning what they should have and embracing what they have. Of course they are all natural beauties but it’s not their beauty, as such, which makes them iconic, it’s the big eyebrows and the wonky teeth in combination with that beauty.
Being sexy is about being an individual. Celebrating your imperfections – being a person who is memorable not a mannequin or a copy-and-paste face that becomes white noise on a screen.
Barbie selfies are the perfect example of whats wrong with society’s idea of beauty today. With airbrushing, facetuning, correcting and perfecting – instagraming the fuck out of yourself, in a room, on your own, in exchange for ‘likes’.
If you aspire to be ‘perfect’ – make it on your own terms and remember that there’s a type of man who wants to fuck a Barbie doll.
That is all.