I was chatting to a friend this morning. We were musing about what our preferred breakfast choices during the week were, concluding that the pain au chocolate was by far the most superior of pastries to break the night fast with, accompanied of course with a cup of strong tea. Whilst debating the topic I couldn’t help but notice that my companion was rather out of sorts. I enquired about his general well being and in response the conversation lead on to his most recent relationship, which, I discovered had ended not 24 hours previously.
Always happy to lend an ear and ever interested in other peoples relationships, especially those which have just ended (told you so, they’re all shit) I leaned in further. Said friend had been dating a girl for approximately 3 weeks, the relationship had been going well and he was confident that it had the potential to turn into something more permanent. She, however, had unintentionally put a stop to all that. Last night, quite out of the blue, she did something irrational, unprovoked and, by all accounts, grossly offensive.
The king of all deal breakers, she told him that she loved him.
Needless to say the poor boy was in, what can only be described as, a state of shock. And, to add insult to injury, it was uttered mid climax. Why not seal the deal and tell him what baby names you’ve been thinking about just as he is about to come or ask him if he could take a moment out tomorrow to look for wedding venues in the Hertfordshire area whilst he’s going down on you.
I love you. And you thought nuclear weaponry was explosive.
There is a time and a place for everything, declaring undying love to a man who is about to bolt his load, for want of a more romantic term, whom you have known for 3 weeks is neither.
My theory is this and of course, I might be wrong, though I doubt. (Standing on the sidelines of love at the moment I am in the fortunate position of being able to take a un-biased view on such matters, un-biased in that you’re wrong and I’m right.)
When you tell a man after 3 weeks that you love him this does not say to your love interest that you’re a fabulous, impulsive, Patricia Arquette c. True Romance kind of person, it doesn’t say ‘to hell with it, I think it so I’ll say it and be damned the lot of you’. It says you’re a needy nut job who thinks she has fallen in love with someone she thinks she knows. Cue psycho shower scene music.
The exception would be, perhaps, a couple who I know who met and married within 2 months. Truly rare, truly amazing … until they divorced at the end of last year. So, you’re right, it can work, for 9 months.
Why I would almost go as far as to say that not even in jest should the word of doom be embedded within a sentence ‘I love bananas’, ‘have you ever seen ‘Love Actually?’, ‘Pass us the ketchup, Love’ or, God forbid, ‘Ah, I love you when you wrinkle you’re nose’ this will simply serve to plant the seed of fear into your partner’s mind and will inevitably lead to disaster.
Love is a most dangerous area in which to tread, and one I would recommend is avoided all together should you wish to proceed with a relaxed and satisfactory life. By all means think it, but for Christ sake, if you’re thinking long term relationships keep your trap shut and stick to blow jobs. I’ve never seen a man run away from one of them.