It’s no secret that I am a little backward when it comes to technology. I was recently given (aka tied into another two-year contract) a new iPhone 6, it took me two weeks to bother to take it out of the box and I still have no idea what all the fuss is about. It’s a mystery of the modern world why people would queue over-night for the damn thing – and why anyone would choose to stare at a Kindle (*another* screen) instead of tucking into a good book on the sofa is quite beyond me.
So as we were, phones and how we all love them so. On this subject I had a conversation with a friend recently who was in turmoil over her failing relationship. She’d suspected her boyfriend of cheating recently and, in a moment of jealousy, took it upon herself to check his phone for any evidence that might confirm her suspicions.
She checked his phone and found nothing.
So everything’s ok then! Relationship back on track with her relieved and him none the wiser that his girlfriend is a paranoid 12-year-old girl disguised as a 32-year-old woman.
It was at this point I took a deep breath before banging my head against the nearest brick wall.
The checking of another person’s phone, is never ok.
Because here’s the thing – regardless of what you find on a person’s phone the simple fact that you are checking it is enough to mean you are in the wrong relationship.
‘Oh, but it’s not personal! I do it with all the guys I’m with!’
… or that you need 4 years of intensive therapy.
Checking your boyfriend’s phone, stalking their Facebook page, following them down dark alleys at night wearing dark glasses and a Panama hat, the method you choose to investigate your partner is of no relevance, what is of relevance is the fact that there is no trust in the relationship and it is therefore a total waste of both your time.
Depressingly it’s not just normal folk at it either. I read recently that both Katie Price and Kelly Brook have made their partners change their passwords and pin numbers on all hand-held devices so they have full access to their received calls, messages and texts.
What the actual fuck? In this case, not only are you in a shit relationship (see above) you are also turning yourself into his angry mother. You’re paranoid, angry, distrusting, controlling. He’s beaten down, resentful, claustrophobic and no offence gals, is only prepared to agree to your conditions because you’ve got far more dough than him and he’s enjoying living off the fat of the land.
Stop it immediately.
No self-respecting woman should check a phone. Tempting as it might be lying there while he’s in the shower and a ‘new message’ pops up, the fact that it is crossing your mind means that you are in the wrong relationship or have serious (and yes actually they are serious) jealousy issues which are highly destructive and a sign of something far deeper than a case of ‘it’s no big deal, I always do it’.
Relationships are supposed to be fun, life-enriching and about mutual trust and understanding. It’s woo-woo but hell, it’s true. The minute they are not, forget it.
I have no time for people who look through phones and I have no time for people who forgive people who look through phones.
And if you do it because you like the drama … try setting up a new iPhone 6 – catching your boyfriend sexting will feel like a yoga class on a Tibetan mountain in comparison.