In Sickness and in Heaven.

katycelebrities, institutions, marriage14 Comments


  There has been much in the media about same sex marriage recently. All host of celebrities are coming out to declare it right and proper that it be legalised and that all people made equal. I have warmed significantly to Charlize Theron, a South African actress, who recently said that forbidding one group in society from something is no better than separate drinking fountains for different races during the Apartheid.
 I think that pretty much sums it up. 
For fear of missing the bandwagon I felt it only right that I offer up my thoughts on the subject, of which, you will be pleased to hear, there aren’t many. You see, when it comes to marriage I reach rather a stale mate. It’s an old and rather odd institution which, from my experience of watching others, seems to do little to enrich your life. Unless, of course, your plan for the future is to avoid tax and completely destroy your sex life, in which case, vow away. 
I’m not anti the institution per se, hell no. I’d marry any old fool if I thought i’d get a decent payout at the end of it all, I mean, if I thought I was in love. And, of course, I want a Jenny Packham dress and mini beef and horseradish Yorkshire pudding vol e vent as much as the next person, I just can’t understand everyone’s obsession with it. 
Take Katie Price. ( No please, take Katie Price, have you seen those hair extensions recently) On her third marriage and, by her own admission, is expecting to have about 12 under her belt by the time she’s finished. Wtf? Planning her divorce at her engagement party? Mind you, she’s realistic if nothing else. Thank God for pre-nups. 
My mother has a lot in common with Ms Price. She has also recently had a tattoo of a pink garter on her left thigh. I jest, of course, mercifully she is without body art and hair extensions, but, in keeping with the craze de jour, she is on her 4th marriage. Her penchant for multiple partners in her life has never confused me but her insistence on marrying half of them has. I can only imagine that her over indulgence has caused my abstinence, and for that, I thank her. 
It genuinely confuses me. For such a developed and free thinking society that we apparently are, people seem amazingly set on having the government/the church/society (damned if I know who does the deal) tying them together with a piece of paper for all and eternity.
And like it wasn’t bad enough that every man and his wife want to ruin their life with a gold band, now every man and his husband wants to do it to. 
The only benefit from the idea of yet more people wanting to sign on the dotted line is that, from my experience, same sex love unions are far more fun. No kids, good booze, great tunes and a definite encouragement of inappropriate behaviour. My vote for same sex marriage to be legalised has less to do with equal rights and more to do with the fact that I like Cristal Champagne. My God, I’d attend the marriage of a farmer to his Shetland pony if I though there would be decent grog there. But my unhealthy dependency on alcohol aside, I’m just not sure a piece of paper to validate love is an especially enriching thing for anyone. 
Here’s a thought, let’s all be equal, let’s none of us get married. 
Let’s all go to Heaven, drink Jager bombs and dance on the table to a Spice Girls tribute band instead. Now that would get my vote. 
katyIn Sickness and in Heaven.

14 Comments on “In Sickness and in Heaven.”

  1. Maggie

    Bloody amen to that! Less marriages, in particular less bloody weddings. Gays – we are all wildly jealous of the “what happens in the Joiners Arms, stays in the Joiners Arms*” attitude to fidelity that appears to permeate your long term relationships, why ruin it with paperwork?

    (*The Joiners Arms is a shrine to debauchery popular with East London homosexuals)

    And for the record – the moment it becomes legal for me to do so (in 2024, technically speaking), I will do a Joan Collins and have a boyfriend 32 years my junior. Now that would be modern.

  2. Tia

    Why do people want to get married?

    As I’ve been on the dating market for the last few months.. and a women who sits on the fence with her sexual preferences (I hate the term pansexual, makes me think of goats and PeterPan)…. anyways.. in my late 30′s I’m shocked at how many straight men view my never being married as some kind of black mark against my name… So I rejoice in the gays.. although so many are committing too… and separating after a couple of years!

    Why why why….?

    I love the freedom to fuck off once I’m bored and never talk to them again.. I sure as hell don’t want to pay a solicitor to talk for me!

    Saying all that… I would do it if they had loads of money and didn’t want to sign a pre-nup… but that is because I’m shallow!

  3. Kat

    Do you remember all those pictures of people in the states looking like idiots in the 1960′s picketing against civil rights for African Americans? Yeah, well that is what all the dumbasses that are picketing against gay marriage are going to look like in 40 years. Completely batshit insane.

    1. Katy

      To be honest, i’m not sure how people have got the energy, surely there’s more important things to worry about in this day and age!?

  4. emily @ anna delores

    This is a great post, Katy — very well-said! Marriage is a very strange tradition and it is difficult to rationally justify and explain why we still want to do it! Good food for thought.

  5. Sarah

    Another great post from the doyenne of all things relationship and incredible timing – I watched no less than 10 couples drift around a well known supermarket today, listless, bored, increasingly irritated with each other, the snarl of the lip evident on each partner and I thought “You poor sods”. Because when they got married (vol au vents ahoy) they really did believe in the happy ever after. They were so in love and so excited to find someone so interesting / intelligent / witty / filthy / rich / fit / intellectual. But nothing lasts forever.

    Human nature looks out for us hooman beans and makes sure that we mate with someone who a) will provide us with healthy offspring and b) won’t stray far from the fold. But the truth is that the brain is far more intellectually superior than the groin and very soon you will realise that all those amazingly wonderful traits that made you whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears in Wetherspoons are actually fucking annoying. And will grate on a permanent, and ever increasing basis, until one of you snaps and throws the wedding present Denby china over the other’s head.

    I’m a cynic but I’ve also been there. Faithfully repeating the vows in front of friends and family….

    But I also realise that life is for living and I don’t believe that any of us truly mates for life (except my parents who, by my mother’s admission are only still together because ‘she can’t be bothered to break in a new model’). Hurrah for new experiences, for variety, for excitement, for first (and second) dates, for sexual perversions of all kind, for that frisson you get when you realise someone actually finds you attractive and for that incredible feeling that you don’t have to settle and that actually a variety pack of anything is FAR more brilliant than a six pack of the same flavour. Yes – I may be jaded. Yes – I may be old. But let’s not just conform to the Hallmark picture of marital bliss because that is what is expected of us. Let’s love and live and LIVE. Nothing is forever.

    1. Katy

      Breath-taking reply! *so* well said, yes i might be jaded and old too but actually so much of what you say rings true.
      Oh and I need to meet your mother. total brilliance ; )

  6. ihavemostlybeen

    I have been married 23 years this month and I swear, I absolutely swear that if I am lucky enough to find myself on my own at any point in the future I will NOT be getting married again. I love men and I sometimes even love my husband, although that is becoming increasingly rare as he turns into an amalgam of my father and his, neither of whom either of us particularly like, more often I quite like him and he does still make me laugh which is the only thing that makes this marriage in anyway tolerable for either of us.

    We have 3 businesses between us, one of which is also our home so walking away isn’t really an option. But I am absolutely certain if we were given the option of just quietly getting on with our lives on our own without losing everything we have worked 7 days a week for, for the last 10 years, we would both snatch it with both hands. He described our relationship to me just last week as being more like a business arrangement.

    That said I have friends who have been married almost as long who are still crazy about one another. And I want my daughter to have her “big day” which is fairly hypocritical, or maybe just shallow. In my experience of long marriages, by which I mean over 20 years, people seem to rub along in mutual contempt unless they are very lucky indeed!

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