Tonight I am going to see Shame, a film about sex addiction. I daresay I shall enjoy it, if for no other reason than that it is full of gratuitous sex scenes. Oh sorry, necessary sex scenes, given the subject matter. They are gritty and shocking according the reviews I have read so far, excellent, I’m in need of a January pick me up.
I’m a bit sceptical when it comes to this whole sex addiction business, having dated an addict once. We had a bloody ball at the beginning of our relationship; I don’t need to spell out what went wrong towards the end.
Having dated him for a number of months I was used to him disappearing off to various alcoholic anonymous, narcotics anonymous, sex/love anonymous meetings 5 times a week. You name the meeting and he was at it. I often thought it would be quite a good little crowd puller if they started Meetings Anonymous, but anyway, I digress.
I had no issue with the amount of meetings he attended, in fact I encouraged it, understanding that, indeed, addiction was a fearsome disease that he had done well to take control of. I was quite honoured one day, to be invited to a meeting by him, in order to help me understand what went on within the circle of trust. I imagined when I arrived that the room would be full of sweaty men, walking around with a cup of strong tea in one hand and a stonking great erection in the other. I was surprised however to see that nothing could be further from the truth. There were a significant number of attractive young girls there, 23 if they were a day. Hmmm, suspicions stirred.
However, I went with an open mind, and given that there was no alcohol, drugs or sex around (more’s the pity) I sat, herbal infusion in hand, and listened to the speaker. This sex addiction malarkey of which they speak was beginning to intrigue me. How did you get it I wanted to know, and more to the point how did you keep it.
A girl stood up; let’s call her Linda, for argument’s sake.
“As soon as I went to university, I started going a bit crazy, I drank every night, and started sleeping around. Before I knew it I was bringing back different men every night … Sniffle, sniffle … at one point I slept with 2 men together and couldn’t remember either of their names …’
I listened intently, waiting for the punch line.
It never came.
Now forgive me and I fully respect that what I would consider a problem doesn’t necessarily equate with what somebody else would, but what the fuck? That sounds like a normal weekend to me!? The girl needs a pat on the back not a bloody meeting. So you got a bit pissed in your Fresher’s week and fucked a few blokes, get over it. Back in my day if you hadn’t blown half the year within your 1st term you’d be on the frigid list. What next? ‘I drank a bottle of wine before 4pm, I’m going to A.A, I smoked a joint when I was 19, help! N.A, I’m on my way!’
Honestly, I’ve never heard such nonsense.
This is the problem these days; we’re so used to being given guidelines and health warnings, lists of things we should and shouldn’t do, that we’ve all become addicted to being addicts!
Said boyfriend at the time was becoming increasingly unappreciative of my eye rolling and it was for his benefit only that I resisted the temptation to stand up and shout, ‘Listen, love, it’s not the 12 steps you need, it’s a good fuck,” but truth be told this was doing very little to convince me that I should be supporting his numerous weekly trips.
Everyone applauded Linda after she relayed her ‘harrowing’ experience and I looked on in amazement. Fuck me; some girls don’t know when they’ve got it good.
The beauty of your boyfriend going to a sex addiction meeting with a load of pretty 23-year-old girls is that the meetings are followed up by a coffee or two with the members. I had grown used to his post-meeting coffees but it was then that it dawned on me, that not only was my boyfriend sitting in meetings 5 times a week when he should be out with me, he was also talking to posh university graduates about how much they love fucking and were addicted to deep throat. I like to think of myself as reasonably open minded and understanding but on this occasion decided that perhaps it would be better if we went our separate ways.
It has been a good few years since I have seen him but I trust that he is well and still in recovery. As for his flock of little blowjob lovers, addicted to sex? They should be so lucky.