Urgg, it’s around the corner, I suppose I should write about it really, being a dating and relationship blogger.
Valentine’s Day. Woo-hoo.
The thing I like most about Valentine’s Day is slagging it off, that and laughing at couples falling for the ’24 hours of love’ over-priced restaurants and bouquets of flowers – allow me that much.
I’m not suggesting that romance per se, should be bypassed – quite the opposite in fact. I love nothing more than a man pulling out all the stops and indulging me with tokens of love, but if you’re going to do it then please make the effort to distribute your monitory gestures of romance throughout the year, rather than saving them for the most expensive day of the year.
Year round romance aside, there is one thing worse than a romantically lazy man and that is a woman who gives a shit about Valentine’s Day.
364 days of the year a totally rational human being – February 14th, a whining 12-year-old complaining about not being loved enough. Stop it immediately.
If your boyfriend hasn’t remembered Valentine’s Day it means one of three things.
1) He is a grounded adult with better things to think about than over-priced cuddly toys, M&S ‘romantic’ meals for 2, cut price Prosecco and flowers which double in price for 24 hours and die the next day.
2) He is a grounded adult who is busy and has genuinely forgotten to make a reservation but loves you nonetheless.
3) He is a grounded adult who doesn’t give a shit about you.
Given that it is your relationship, not mine, I can only leave it to you to deduct which category he might fall into, but whichever one it might be, there is something you should know.
Men don’t like Valentine’s Day.
Why? Because as a general rule, men don’t like being told what to do, so to be forced to be romantic, whether it’s by you or by Hallmark, they feel pushed into a corner and pressured.
He is under pressure to follow a romantic script of cards, flowers, breakfast in bed, restaurant reservations, cuddly toys (Although any man who buys you a cuddly toy should be dumped immediately anyway) and if he doesn’t he’s labelled as bad, forgetful, inconsiderate and thoughtless.
You only have to walk down the high street on the 13th to see rows of men glumly scanning the remaining cards filling the shelves of dusty newsagents, or pleading with the local Italian to squeeze an extra table in … “I’ll give you an extra fifty!! please, my life will be over!!” – do they look enthused, do they look excited? Quite.
Before you start whining about not being spoilt on Valentine’s Day, consider who’s side it is are you on, your boyfriends or the head office of Clinton Cards? Do not fuel the fire.
If you really want the perfect Valentine’s Day, do yourself a favour and go easy on your boyfriend.
Downplay it, don’t mention it, keep your gifts minimal, tell him you’d rather go down to the pub than a restaurant, then come home tipsy and give him an amazing blow job – you want flowers? That’s the way to get them – and not just on February 14th.