Tight Bastards.

katydating, manners, money34 Comments


I went on a ‘blind’ date a few nights ago. We met in a nice hotel bar (his suggestion) and shared a bottle of house wine, at £17 it was more expensive than Wetherspoons but not extortionate. We enjoyed each others company for a couple of hours and then called time at around 9.30pm what with him having to catch a train back to Brighton and me finding the idea of a hot bath and early night more enticing than anymore chit chat.

He was a nice enough chap, employed, a home owner and recent Audi purchaser (it’s all in the detail, read on if you will), he was easy to get on with but not somebody I could imagine sharing a passionate embrace with, least of all a life.

Sadly the evening ended on a rather more gruesome note than it began, just as I was about to offer up the standard ‘nice to meet you’ pleasantries a most unexpected thing happened, the bill was placed on the table, my date looking me directly in the eyes, not a quiver of shame about his person and uttered those fateful words -
‘Would you like to go Dutch?’

Would I like to go Dutch?

Yes why I’d love that! I can’t think of anything that would draw me further into your web of charm than getting £8.50 out of my purse to pay for half a bottle of house wine. Hang on there though I only had two and a half glasses shouldn’t that be more like £7.25. And I definitely saw you eat some of that Bombay mix and 6 more pistachios than me – you’re trying to rip me off!
Stunned into a state of shock I put my card down on the tray and waited for the waiter to return to swipe us both. The shame. The utter shame.

And before anyone jumps on their feminist bandwagon we’re not talking about a live-in couple with a CEO wife and recently redundant househusband we are talking about a 1st date and a £17 pound bill. In my opinion, one which I believe should be taken reasonably seriously bearing in mind the varied and quite frankly monumental amount of dates I have been on in my life, a woman should NEVER pay for a first date. (Regardless of whether you intend to see her again or not, – so she’s not as thin as she looked in her photo, tsk. Some manners please Gentleman)

This has little to do with money and more to do with you. Tight, squeaky, mean. A man who is perfectly comfortable seeing a girl who he’s supposedly wooing remove pound coins from her purse in the middle of a crowded bar will also be a bad kisser, a bad lover and probably have a tiny little mean penis too. Tight men will have a great deal of trouble locating a clitoris and once they do, will proceed to ‘stimulate’ it with irregular lizard like tongue flicks. (How do I know this? I just do now stop arguing, before you really give yourself away)

Of all the categories men fall into mean men are my most loathsome. That’s not to say further down the line the balance can’t be readdressed but sweet Jesus boys, if your going to go online with the intention of either marrying of shagging a girl, buy a frigging round for Christ’s sake.

I went out with a mean man once, we went on holiday together (a hideous week in the Canaries which, one day, I may relay for your pleasure and reassurance that no matter how bad your relationship is it isn’t as bad as that was) We pooled our spending money, a ritual you will be familiar with have you ever been on a school trip to La Rochelle aged 13 and three quarters (he was 44 at the time) and it was made sure that everything was split evenly. This was fair enough until we arrived at the Airporto to go home, and I had in my purse, being the allocated guardian of his sacred pennies, approximately 20 Euros to my name.

Now call me old fashioned, anti-feminist, stuck in the dark ages, an embarrassment to woman kind but surely the relaxed and gentlemanly thing to do in this situation would be to let me wander off and buy a bottle a fragrance or embroidered neck chief of some description (oh you know how us old fashioned girls like our accessories! Give us a floral bonnet and some Parma violets and we’ll sit happily in the corner for hours!) But no, Mr mean had to get his half back, had to scrape the euro barrel and make sure he was getting his share.

So mean was this man I had to buy a coffee to split the note. Enter quandary number 2, who ‘pays’ for the coffee, hang on a minute you get 10 Euros, I get 8.50, well, I’m not having that!
So desperate in fact was he to spend his money, he returned back from duty free with a tube of m&m’s and a set of miniature spirits (next time your wondering who the fuck buys that over priced chintzy crap let alone drinks it, you’ll know. Tight boyfriends wanting to get their Euros worth) anything to reclaim what was rightfully his!

When a man prioritizes novelty over priced chocolates and 50 ml of tequila over their self respect and dignity they’ve just got to go. And so it was, no sooner could you say I should have guessed from the size of his penis we were Blighty bound and he has last been seen cutting coupons out from the back of the Daily Mail and stealing petrol from his neighbours car.

So please, head my words, put your hand in your pocket and treat the lady, we’re not talking a fortnight at Sandy Lanes, just a token that you are open, fun and well mannered. You are on a date not calculating your annual tax return could I ask you to behave as such, after all what would you prefer, wild sex all night long with a hot babe who thinks you’re great or a packet of m&m’s and a miniature of sherry, You do the maths.

katyTight Bastards.

34 Comments on “Tight Bastards.”

  1. Anonymous

    I don’t think it’s anti- feminist to expect a man to pay on a first date! If a guy asks me to go dutch i’m usually so disappointed in his manners for doing so that out of principle i pay the whole bill myself, just to prove a point and show him up for what he is!
    a first date is a telling time and you can find out a lot about a someone, like you said why would you waste your time on a man who can’t even buy you a drink. Men be warned when that bill comes, it’s a test, and how you deal with it can make or break any future prospect with a lady.

  2. Katy

    Perfectly put! it is nothing to do with the actual money and more to do with manners and their personality as a whole. Silly boys!

  3. Max from Cambridge

    Look I will give you a discount then and you can give me just 25%. So you owe me £41!…. sod it lets call it £40 for cash!! :)

  4. leeb16

    how do u find these men katy? i would always pay on the first date and the second and so one. hope u have more luck the next time

  5. MissGreenEyes

    It’s not anti-feminist! It’s pointing out that some people are just complete and utter mean selfish tight-fisted shites! I wouldn’t mind ‘going dutch’ (stupid expression in the first place) if the bill was bloody massive, but £17?! Tighter than a duck’s arse.

    Also lol-ing at parma violets and floral bonnets, I don’t know how you manage to hit the nail on the head every time, but keep doing it!! x

  6. Anonymous

    I stumbled onto your blog, love your writing style.
    However, you leave no space for men to ever be right? You want men to be modern and old fashioned at the same time?
    The best of both worlds.
    You want your cake and to eat it too.

    I suppose men should be thankful that women allow them to date them?

    Princesses like you give the rest of us a bad rep. ‘Stuck up b*tch’ wouldn’t be too far from the truth, I think. I hope you enjoy cooking for one for the rest of your life…

  7. Katy

    Max – sounds like a deal to me!
    Lee – God only knows but i do know how to pick em’ sometimes!
    missgreeneyes – glad i’m not the only one who finds it a little off putting, i mean i wasn’ asking for 2 days in New York on a private jet!

    and finally ‘Anon’. WOW anger issues! the blog is tongue in cheek and much of it ironic. I’m sorry that you couldn’t see that. Might i suggest that next time you call someone a stuck up bitch you have the courage to give a name.

  8. Max from Cambridge

    Your anonymous poster does some a tad, erm, bitter! Maybe somebody posted a pic of his willy on the internet in a past life…
    ps. do I get reimbursed for my train fare as well??

  9. Katy

    max – of course, invoice me and i’ll transfer it through ; )
    and yes bitter/random/hateful/tiny penis are all words that sprang to mind too!

  10. Harry

    There is a difficult area we get into in this field – with women now fully liberated, many men are feeling like the oppressed ones, stuck in a quagmire of never being sure whether they should err on the side of chivalry or equality.

    In my last job as a bar manager, I was once berated by a poorly mannered woman for holding a door open for her. She was a bit of a skank, and I wasn’t opening it just because she was a woman (she was an ugly one), but also because I was an employee and it was a nice thing to do.

    I talked to some girls the other day, and all said that they offer to pay for the first day, then INSIST on paying, and only then will let the man pay… But if he doesn’t dismiss her ramblings as those of a hysterical woman, and does on first or second attempt, let her pay half, she’ll immediately be disinterested and never date him again.

    It just makes me wonder: WHY MAKE IT SO HARD FOR YOURSELVES?

    I will go on a second date with a girl if she’s interesting, attractive and funny; regardless of whether she pays for all or half or none of a meal.

  11. Max from Cambridge

    Look, let’s not be altruistic here, there are ulterior motives in paying for dinner & drinks on a first date. It is an investment. It’s a down payment for the future chance of sex! Once you’ve paid for a few meals and the odd day out the sex & all other deviancies are on tap. Then you can reign in the expenditure, go Dutch, even let her buy a meal or 2. You have to play the long game..

  12. Katy

    Harry, interesting stuff it is a bit of a minefield and everyone has a different take on it (although INSISTING on paying, wow that really is ‘modern’!) interesting angle on it though.
    ps. i might just take you up on that… ; )

    Max, LOVE you throwing that in the mix, quite straight to the point (!) but again some truth in it, though not sure about the ‘on tap after a couple of meals bit’… not the girls i know anyway!

  13. MissLizSaraB

    Hi, new reader over here.

    I think whoever asks the other person out should offer to pay on the first date – statistically it’s more likely to be the man but if i’d asked someone out i’d definitely be sticking my card on the tray…if we discussed it from that point and i ended up not paying then massive bonus points

  14. Max from Cambridge

    OK you sound good MissLizSaraB, what you doing on Friday??
    Hope you don’t mind using your blog as dating site Kate? :)

  15. ihavemostlybeen

    “It’s a down payment for a future chance of sex” Max if I weren’t married I’d be hunting you down for that line alone, it’s perfect, the whole dating game from the male perspective summed up. But be warned, my husband of 23 years is still paying out and the sex is all still speculative!
    Bloody brilliant blog, btw Katy.

  16. Katy

    Hi missLizSaraB, and welcome aboard! good point and I’m all for rounds in a pub setting, but splitting a bill like this, hmm… not for me!

    Max – but of course! knock yourself out, so long as i can be matron of honour ; )

    and ihavemostlybeen – welcome, yes i chuckled too at Max’s little nugget of wisdom there, i do love a man who can tell it like it is!

  17. mattwhiskers

    Oooh, this does certainly stir up the emotions, and bring out the trolls!

    My own tuppenceworth is that this is SUCH a tricky area for us men to navigate. I’ve been on dates where the woman insisted on paying just to prove a point, regardless of my protestations…..it’s the proverbial minefield!Not quite so sure I’m with Max entirely – that makes the assumption that by going on a date with a girl, we absolutely, definitely want to have sex with her! We have emotions too, and we need to be ‘wooed’ (does anyone use the word woo these days??) just as much!

    My own personal point of view? If a woman is expecting me to pay for everything and has that ‘Little Miss Arrogant aren’t-I-worth-it?’ attitude, then that is definitely a turn off!! First dates are nerve-wracking events as it is without worrying about this. Just keep it simple, go with the flow. If the desire to continue after the first date is there, any expense will even itself out, whoever pays!!

    I’ll shut up now….where’s the dating action on here again?? ;-)

  18. Katy

    matt – good point, it is actually a really interesting subject and one that isn’t discussed much, never realized men wanted to be wooed too! we should trend that word ; )

  19. Max from Cambridge

    I have a simple rule, if I just pay for the drinks and leave the night there it means I’m not interested, however if I buy dinner then I think that this girl might have potential! Of course they might just be after a free meal but it’s always better than eating alone!

  20. cheftheobald

    Just one question.. If your blind date had purchased an Audi recently then why did he have to go off and get a train to Brighton? I know that if I had an Audi I would certainly use this to try and impress in an attempt for another potential date. Obviously not in a way to show off about it, but in a ” yeah I’ve got as nice car, it gets me around” kind of way.

  21. Max from Cambridge

    Katy, made me get the train. Likes to see men drunk I think!! Or she has a thing for trainspotters….

  22. Dave

    Can we assume that he met you in London? So he spent money and time travelling from Brighton, whereas you were in the big smoke already… and you expect him to pay for your drinks as well?!

    Then you tell us that you hadn’t planned seeing him again, yet you still thought he should pay?! You tell us that doing so might improve his chances of having “wild sex all night long with a hot babe who thinks you’re great”, but how would that ever possibly happen when you say he is “not somebody I could imagine sharing a passionate embrace with”?! Doesn’t that just make you a con-woman/gold-digger? Or just plain ‘mean’? I can only assume that the ‘tight bastard’ you refer to in the title of this post is YOURSELF.

    Then you claim you were ‘stunned into a state of shock’ when he ASKED you if you would like to split the bill, yet you didn’t actually say ‘no’ or tell him of your distress. If you don’t say, Katy, you don’t get.

    Anyone who thinks their time/presence being paid for by someone else is ‘good manners’, is no different to an escort. Good manners would be to treat your date fairly, not to meet them expecting to get away with being a cheapskate, as you clearly did.

    Any person, male or female, who has an issue paying their way, will be a massive turn-off to anyone with any sense of fairness. Shame on YOU for being a stuck-up bitch, and more so for trying to defend it.

  23. Katy

    Thank you, Dave, for taking the time out to write such a lengthy and heart-felt response to the post. I appreciate ALL feedback and am pleased to see that my writing stirred up such passion in you.

    ps. Stuck-up bitch? only if you ask me nicely.

  24. Jonathan

    I’m so glad about the comment I just made on Twitter now about never asking a lady to pay, buy me a drink etc…

    Guys – get your wallets out.

    £17.50! That was your first mistake – go somewhere nice!

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