When it comes to dating, the road to true love never runs as smoothly as you’d like.
From meeting people, because, let’s face it, that never happens in the shopping aisle of Sainsbury’s and that blind date your mum set you up on, surprisingly didn’t lead to wedding bells – to navigating the minefield that is the first date.
Because first dates have rules, and God knows, blokes like to break them.
So fellas, do yourself a favour and listen up – this shit could save you a lot of time and money.
1. Have a conversation before the date
Sure, texting is easy and, understandably, the idea of getting caught up in an hours conversation on the blower with a woman you’ve never met before can be a bit draining – but, if you want to set the dating bench high and show you’re genuine about meeting and getting to know your date, go old school and pick up the phone – if for nothing else than to confirm a venue.
It’ll show you’re confident, and not afraid to take the lead – which is always sexy.
2. Talking of venues
Use your imagination, ask a friend or buy Time Out, however you pick your venue make sure you do it.
And that it’s not the local boozer around the corner from your flat, which will leave her thinking you’re either lazy as f**k or intend to shag her after half a bottle of wine and a plate of nachos.
3. Turn up on time
Just manners innit.
4. Pull out some decent clobber
You’re on a date, and yes, people do really know if they’re attracted to you within four minutes – four seconds if you’re wearing an old hoody and a pair of crocs.
But that’s my style!
Which is cool, if you want to be single for the rest of your life.
5. Smell good
Breath, armpits, musty shirts you haven’t washed for three weeks but sprayed with a bit of Lynx to get rid of the worst of it.
Stop that shit right now.
6. Don’t talk about your ex-girlfriend
I’m not a big believer in conversation ‘rules’ – thinking that the more you chat the better it is, and that editing yourself simply delays the process of getting to know each other, however ,when it comes to the sob story about how much your ex-girlfriend broke your heart, leave it out.
Nobody needs that negativity in their life.
7. Put the bloody phone down
Because it’s rude and ungentlemanly.
That is all.
8. Listen to your date
And engage in conversation – just so much sexier than an evening of sentences that begin with ‘I’.
9. Don’t disappear
All too often, when people meet through online dating sites, they feel no obligation to pay each other any respect and piss off as soon as it suits them.
She’s made the effort to meet you for the evening, the least you can do is return the courtesy by giving her a bit of a chance.
You never know, you might end up enjoying yourself.
10. Don’t suggest dinner if you can’t afford it
Because if you’ve suggested it, you should be coughing up.
11. Make sure your date gets home Ok
Which means hailing her a cab, walking her to the tube or waiting at the bus stop until her bus arrives.
12. And if you felt the evening went well, do lean in for a kiss
Because fuck it, life’s too short, and you don’t want to leave all the hard work to her now, do you.
13. Don’t play the ‘don’t’ text for 3 days game’
Because we all know that rule – and it makes you look like you’ve read a cheesy American dating manual called The Game.
14. But don’t bombard her with contact
Because no matter how smooth you were on the date, seven texts, three missed calls and a Facebook friend request the next day will *always* be an epic dating fail.
Don’t be that man.