Recently I’ve been chatting to a guy on Tinder, he seemed nice enough – not exactly a laugh a minute, but no pictures of tigers or small children and he knew how to construct a basic sentence, which, when you’re pushing forty, almost constitutes marriage material. After some initial Tinder dialogue we moved onto second base, aka WhatsApp, to arrange a potential meet up.
He suggested a lunchtime coffee. I don’t drink coffee, which he wasn’t to know, so after highlighting this he suggested a tea.
So far, so good, you’d think.
Except it’s not. Because the more I considered his offer the more it niggled – what is it that irritates me so much about men who suggest coffee as a first date?
Because, here’s the thing, I understand that dating is a numbers game and that you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs (or frogesses) to meet your prince/princess, but a lunchtime coffee, to me, opitomizes a lack of investment – and there in lies my issue.
Despite there being an abundance of singles online ready for a date, I still like to imagine the person I am dating isn’t seeing six other people the week he is seeing me. That he has invested some time and consideration into the person he is dating, and sees them as worth more time investment than a quick flat white on a lunch break.
Sure, it takes meeting someone to find out if there is chemistry, but, when someone suggests coffee, let alone a lunchtime one, to me, it says they’re already preparing their getaway before you’ve even met.
Lunchtime coffees leaves no scope for the unexpected, no room to realise you have amazing chemistry and want to continue the date on somewhere else – it’s just so boring and controlled.
It’s not all about the booze either (although, I’d never turn down a nice glass of vino and some decent bar snacks on a first date) it’s about the imagination and investment – so you don’t drink, at least come up with something a little more imaginative than a coffee – it’s the cliché which is so dreary rather than the beverage itself.
A coffee at lunch is like a job interview, lining dates up like potential employees and allowing half an hour to ‘assess’ whether someone fits your dating standards.
It says, I don’t really want to be here but dating is a necessary evil unless I want to be single forever.
It says, please don’t think I like you, I’m giving you a go and you’ve got thirty minutes to perform or I’m out of here.
It says, I don’t want to spend more than a tenner on you, as this is my fourth date this week and it’s costing me a fortune.
It says you are *not that special*.
An evening drink, alcoholic or otherwise or an activity which lasts longer than half an hour however, says, I like you enough to commit some time to getting to know you.
It says, I’m not talking to twenty other people at the same time as you and that’s why I think you deserve more than my lunch break.
So *that’s* why I don’t like coffee … with or without the cake.