When people start relationships, there is often the natural temptation to spend as much time with a person as possible and no-one could be blamed for enjoying the first throes of romance.
Chemistry is hard to find, so, when you do, hell, knock yourself out and enjoy it. There are, however, those who take it to a new level — disregarding their own identity completely in order to ‘fit’ in with their current boyfriends style and identity.
Some change from hippie chick to rock babe over night, or from trainers and tracksuits to six-inch stilettos and body-con because their boyfriend prefers that look.
Cheryl Cole has made no secret of her budding romance with one direction singer, Liam Payne recently. She is openly dating the star and confirming their relationship on social media not long after her separation from French businessman, Jean Bernard Fernandez Versini.
She’s allegedly keen to drop her married name after they formally divorce and, it would seem, her ‘look’ too.
Because, as soon as she started dating the One Direction heart-throb, there was something noticeably different about her. Aside from appearing considerably happier than she had done in recent months, she appeared to have had an image overhaul. The chic tailored dresses and suits she favoured during her marriage to JB have been replaced with bomber jackets, top knots and an, undeniably, edgier look.
Or Kim Kardashian, who lets her husband Kanye West, dress her.
‘You want your guy to think you’re really hot, I’ll put something on and he’ll say, ‘no, that doesn’t look good’ and I’ll trust him.’
Both Cheryl and Kim are, what you’d call, chameleon girlfriends. Women who adopt the identity of their partner, at the detriment of their own.
I’ll admit to having been a mild chameleon girlfriends once or twice. I went from heels to Reebok classics over night during a brief dalliance with a local boy racer back in the early nineties (cringe) and tried, magnificently unsuccessfully, to recreate the effortless chic of a Parisian woman when dating a man from the French capital a few years ago (Oh, how they laughed.)
Thankfully, however, my adopted identities were subtle, and, mercifully fleeting.
Being a chameleon girlfriend, however, can be dangerous, because what was once cute, ‘Ah, they’re so in love they even look like each other’ can become a red light for the relationship further down the line.
Keeping your own interest, identity and opinions is attractive, and sacrificing them so readily says a more about a person’s security than it does about their wardrobe.
It also implies an element of co-dependancy or a dissatisfaction in your own self – and that sure ain’t no recipe for success in an LTR.
Whether you’ve stopped eating meat in the past because your boyfriend was a vegan and ‘it just makes cooking so much easier’, cancelled your girl’s night out because ‘he’s more of a staying in type’ or overhauled your wardrobe to suit your partner, remember that all you are really doing is giving another piece of yourself away and there is nothing attractive, long-term at least, about being a mini-me girlfriend without her own interest opinions and style.
So, to Cheryl Cole in her honeymoon stage, or Kim Kardashian in her chameleon marriage, I’d say, on your quest for the perfect relationship, don’t forget yourself along the way.
Because it’s exactly that they liked about you in the first place.