Last night a friend of mine came over for a glass of wine. We had a nice chat and the conversation found its way onto the subject of her new lover. She has amazing chemistry with him apparently and the sex is great. She wants to keep him around. Being 8 years younger than her she’s not expecting a wedding ring any day soon but is more than happy to open her bed for him should the situation arise again.
She admitted to me something that I found interesting, not because of what it was but that she was so bashful about saying she had done it. She faked an orgasm. The big Harry Met Sally, head thrown back, oh yes, yes like that, wait for me, God yes, ohh ohh OHHHH YES YES!! Fake orgasm.
And I have news for you boys. It happens all the time.
In fact it has been estimated by a ‘recent survey’ that around 70% of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their life. (And the 30% who haven’t are still virgins.)
I have strong views on the subject. Having screamed out a few times in faux bliss myself.
You will find that many a women’s magazine will claim that it is a destructive thing to do and that if you are in a sexual relationship with someone you should be able to speak openly and freely about what they are doing wrong/right. You should not have to fake pleasure and you are denying yourself a future of sexual satisfaction by doing so. Balderdash.
The reality is, and of course I can only talk from personal experience, that we don’t know the surname of half the people we end up in bed with, let alone waste good quality shagging time by sitting them down for a guided tour of the clitoris. Strangers, people, we are all but strangers! It’s just not realistic and sometimes, though some men may have a fantastic rhythm and flow, they just don’t quite hit the spot.
This leads me to my second point and, men listen up, here comes the science bit; just because a woman doesn’t come doesn’t mean she hasn’t had good sex. Sometimes it’s as much about the journey as it is the arrival and the build up should not be underestimated.
This is exactly where I disagree with the argument that a faked orgasm is a negative thing. Actually sometimes it’s just a polite way of saying, ‘Wow, you do it for me, we have chemistry and soon I know you’ll be sending me into orgasm heaven. Right now it’s not quite there but here’s a few shudders to let you know you’re on the right track.’
There are, of course, other reasons for faking orgasms. It may well be because you’re banging away like a frigging maniac and it’s getting boring/painful and it’s the easiest way to wrap things up. Sometimes I find men to be simple creatures, God love ‘em and a straight to the point faked orgasm is far less complicated than a request to stop and explanation why.
Note to all men: 4 hours of being banged from behind does not good loving always make. I’m not suggesting you start and finish the job in an ad break but really, we aren’t entering the bloody Olympics here.
The fake orgasm, however, is not something I would recommend in the long term and when you find yourself faking an orgasm on your wedding night it might be time to rethink your bedroom activities. Generally speaking my advice to men would be, don’t take it personally. A fake orgasm doesn’t always mean you are shit in bed. It is a polite way of saying, hurry up or you’ve got potential, fingers crossed it’s the second.
The good news is a convincing fake orgasm takes time to master and concentration to perform, if she’s bothered to pull one out the bag you’re halfway there, her intentions are genuine even if her orgasms aren’t.