9 Things That Piss Me Off About Men and Modern Technology

katyblow jobs, boyfriends, dating, facebook, manners, online dating1 Comment

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images-33Phones are great, there is no denying that I’d be lost without mine.

I also like social media and men.

What I don’t really like is men on social media – or their phones.

You see here’s the thing, they never seem to get it quite right. So much so, that I reminisce at the days before mobiles (yes I remember them, I’m not that old I just started early) when you were either together or you weren’t – and arrangements were made a week before an event, you wrote it down in your Filofax, turned up, got fingered in the local bus shelter, job done – everyone’s a winner.

Now it’s about over-analysing, over-posting or driving yourself f**king mad about how your boyfriend doesn’t have time to text you back but can find it to like eighteen pictures of some blonde 24-year-old in Ibiza on Instagram.

Argg, men, phones, social media, hot blondes in Ibiza … It’s a minefield.

1. Men who text too much

You know that guy, the 40-year-old who is an account manager at an advertising company, has his own home, a full head of hair and no obvious signs of Aspergers yet seems *totally* incapable of picking up the phone.

Now make no mistake, I’m not one for talking shit on the phone for hours but before I go on a date, I don’t mind having a ten minute conversation with the person who is potentially going to be inserting his penis into my vagina at some point in the near future.
Texting – the modern-day wall to hide behind – and, men, a word of advice – if you meet a girl online and have invited her out, grow a pair and pick up the phone before you meet.

Just manners innit.

2. Men who never text

Or texts with one word answers four hours after you asked a question.

Also known as ‘not that into you’ – but still pissing annoying, be in or be out mate, it’s not rocket science.

3. Being too active on social media

What are you, twelve? I mean seriously, I love a Facebook status update, but then I’m a girl with shit loads of time on my hands – you’re a hot 35-year-old bloke who I want to imagine has better things to do than post inspirational quotes on his Instagram account.

Seriously, unless you’re the Slut Whisperer or the Fat Jewish step away from the phone and get a life.

4. Not being active enough on social media

Most commonly found as a characteristic amongst old men.

I love old men, they know how to order a decent bottle of wine, think you’re amazing because you’re still 10 years younger than them and won’t pester you for blow jobs before work in the morning because they’re too bloody tired. What I don’t love about old men is that they don’t know what Twitter is and think Facebook is for the ‘youff’.
Which, for a stalker like myself, can be frustrating. What do you mean your ex-girlfriend is in the past? Fuck that, I want inside leg measurements.

5. Taking selfies

WHAT KIND OF MAN TAKES A SELFIE?????
21-year-old beauty bloggers from Cheshire who think they are going to be the next Zoella take selfies NOT grown men.

Stop it immediately.

6. Sending a girl a screen shot of herself and telling her how hot she look in the picture

Guys you can do this, or you can say – ’Hey, I’ve never been arrested for it but I’ve totally got the potential to be a stalker, spike you with Rohypnol and lock you in a wheelie bin on an estate in Croydon.

Cause it’s kind of the same thing.

7. Updating your bios with anything to do with your girlfriend

Quite possibly the grossest thing a man can do on social media. In fact, quite possibly the grossest thing *anyone* can do on social media. – mention their other half in any capacity of a bio.

“husband to the most amazing woman in the world and father to two angels … engaged to @smugmarried64 and lover of cats’

etc etc etc.

I have no time for men who count being in a relationship as their most redeeming feature. If you can’t come up with something more stimulating than the fact you’ve put a ring on it you should remove yourself from my timeline instantly.

8. ‘No DM’s pls’ … ‘Views are my own’

You’ve got 28 followers and work in a phone shop in Colindale.

Get the fuck over yourself.

9. Sending dick pics

 

Joke – I love dick pics. obvs.

Send dick pics.

katy9 Things That Piss Me Off About Men and Modern Technology

One Comment on ““9 Things That Piss Me Off About Men and Modern Technology”

  1. Kilted Wookie

    1. I text, but only with people I am comfortable with sharing the kind of inane drivel that fills my head at any given moment.

    2. N/A. See 1.

    3. I’m reasonably active on social media. Mainly Twitter, but obviously I have my blog too.

    4. I know my Twitter from my Tumblr and my Instagram from my arsehole.

    5. Not really my scene, although I do participate in #SinfulSunday by the fabulous @mollysdailykiss.

    6. Not guilty. Ever!

    7. See 6.

    8. I don’t give a toss if people agree with me or not.

    9. Um, I’m a bloke, I have a penis. If you want to see it, great, if not, well, you’re not alone.

    KW

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