We’ve all had that feeling. The one where you suddenly feel like you don’t know the person you’re sharing a bed with, that you’re dating a stranger and that, out of nowhere, you’re imposing on their life or being needy when you suggest a night out or text them more than twice a day.
Friends tell you you’re being paranoid and that it’s all in your head – which is partly true, it is in your head but you’re not being paranoid. Because, when it comes to gut feelings, there is no better way of telling when he’s just not that into you.
Gut feelings don’t lie, neither do instincts … or the fact he hasn’t seen you for two weeks, but we’ll get to that later.
If you’re still unsure about whether it’s all in your head or not (it’s not) here are some basic pointers to help you establish the future intentions of your boyfriend.
Gym, mates, work … you.
Granted, some people *are* super busy at work, but, if his habits change and suddenly he’s late in the office or too knackered to see you because of his work load, on a regular basis, something is up.
From my experience, unless he’s just been offered the CEO position at Google, men, when they are into someone (or have the opportunity to get into someone, ahem) are never too busy.
2. You don’t go out
I have nothing against Netflix and chilling and certainly think it has its place in a relationship but, when that’s all he wants to do, there should be cause for concern. The man who can’t be arsed to get off the sofa, basically can’t to get off the sofa for you.
3. He doesn’t introduce you to friends and family
Or suggest spending any time with them if you already know them, because he doesn’t want you to think you’ve been accepted into the fold – and wants as few people as possible to associate you as his girlfriend.
Hashtag brutal, hashtag true.
4. His phone is always face down
Because he is on Tinder.
5. He doesn’t talk about the future
And, despite having a full-time job, a mortgage and a car on HP, isn’t the kind of guy who’s ‘into commitment’.
Guaranteed LOLZ with the man who wants to get away – but for those who don’t find it so funny expect the usual ‘Jesus, it was a joke, stop being so touchy’ to follow.
7. He starts calling you ‘mate’
Or worse still, your actual name.
8. He removed the ‘last seen’ on his Whatsapp
You know he’s read the text and not replied, he knows he’s read the text and not replied – but having no actual evidence of the fact makes his life a lot easier.
No bastard like a Whataspp bastard.
9. Your texts start ‘Hey stranger!’
Because being upbeat and breezy about the fact that your boyfriend of a year hasn’t called you for four days will totally disguise the fact you’ve spent the last 48 hours re-reading every message he’s ever sent you and replaying the time you last saw him in your head trying to work out WHAT THE F**K WENT WRONG!!!?
10. He dumps you
I actually give quite a lot of credit to the men who do the dumping these days, so familiar with the stories am I, of blokes being such a-holes to their girlfriend that they end up doing the hard work for them. However, when it comes to knowing if a guy is into you or not, being dumped is a pretty good indicator.
Being dumped by your boyfriend doesn’t mean he needs a bit of space, that he’ll change his mind or that he’s just going through a funny patch. It’ means he is 100%, without question, not that into you.
Let that MOFO go, girlfriend, let that mofo go.